funniest toxic things to say

There are some remarkably dumb people in this world. Like my dog. It implies that the man doesnt have the courage to do something he ought to do and that therefore hes less of a man. Nothing, they just waved. And maybe youve felt called out, shamed, or devalued by someone elses thoughtless remarks. After all, I am always kind to animals. No wonder your mom has such a big mouth, you have one the size of a whole house. Ill never forget the first time we met. Good job. I am not ignoring you. Happy Gal-entines, bestie! People tell me to take a joke, but the only joke I see if you, omg it is your long lost brother: spongebob I"ll drown you so you can have a better life with him jerk. Your only chance of getting laid is to crawl up a chicken butt and wait. 9 out of 10 voices in my head tell me I'm crazy. 100 Funny Things To Say 1. Id slap you but I dont want to make your face look any better. Aww, its so cute when you try to talk about things you dont understand. Lucky for you, they cant laugh, either. I am single, Can we mingle? Louie Armstrong would have never released What a Wonderful World had he met you. Happy birthday! I cant think of anything to celebrate on your birthday except you being closer to death. You suck. And we enjoy feeling superior, even a little bit, to someone who has made us feel smaller, less important, or less intelligent. In short, youve come to the right place because this page has the meanest roast list youll find.var cid='8512624245';var pid='ca-pub-6887397191213377';var slotId='div-gpt-ad-humoropedia_com-medrectangle-3-0';var ffid=1;var alS=1021%1000;var container=document.getElementById(slotId);var ins=document.createElement('ins');ins.id=slotId+'-asloaded';ins.className='adsbygoogle ezasloaded';ins.dataset.adClient=pid;ins.dataset.adChannel=cid;ins.style.display='block';ins.style.minWidth=container.attributes.ezaw.value+'px';ins.style.width='100%';ins.style.height=container.attributes.ezah.value+'px';container.style.maxHeight=container.style.minHeight+'px';container.style.maxWidth=container.style.minWidth+'px';container.appendChild(ins);(adsbygoogle=window.adsbygoogle||[]).push({});window.ezoSTPixelAdd(slotId,'stat_source_id',44);window.ezoSTPixelAdd(slotId,'adsensetype',1);var lo=new MutationObserver(window.ezaslEvent);lo.observe(document.getElementById(slotId+'-asloaded'),{attributes:true}); On top of all the above, Ive updated this page in 2021. You almost reached a level of coherency resembling my newborn son. If you stuffed your head with cotton, you would be smarter because right now, your brain is full of dead flies - oh, wait, you don't have one! Make your friends bust out laughing with one of these clever things to write on a card: Valentines is the perfect opportunity to express your love to your significant other or write a funny card to your fellow singles. We and our partners use data for Personalised ads and content, ad and content measurement, audience insights and product development. "Grow a pair." 23. And they will carry on with this terrible behavior even when they're the ones in the wrong. Thats your parents job. Last weeks test was on shapes and colors, but it appears like you might have to revisit that after todays conversation. Lets face it: life gets busy and oftentimes people forget to respond to text messages. They both run at the first sign of emotion. These roasts are perfect both for school and bullies. I thought of you today. Every woman should marry an archeologist. Youre about as useful as a screen door on a submarine. Whats the best holiday present? Or were you just saying something you thought was funny? 29 What I like best about our relationship is that it doesn't exist anymore. Hijo de las Mil Putas. Your skin is glowing, but I think its from the radiation emanating from your toxic ass personality. OH MY GOD, Ive been waiting to hear from you all day. I feel so sorry for your parents. People like you are the reason God doesnt talk to us anymore. Just beware of accidental miscommunications. And I really hope you stay there. "You're being dramatic," or "Quit being emotional," "Why are you so difficult," "You make things so hard on me," "someone else has it worse, so stop crying." -VividTangerine. How much does a polar bear weigh? My apologies, how silly of me. sentences. An old teacher asked her student: If I say I am beautiful, which tense is that? The student replied: Its obviously past. If you like the, A man is lying on the beach, wearing nothing but a cap over his crotch. I'm as useful as a white crayon on black paper. I am returning your nose. Listen to your doubts. Founded in 2010, Thought Catalog is owned and operated by The Thought & Expression Company, Inc. For over a decade, we've been at the bleeding edge of media, pioneering an infrastructure for creatives to flourish both artistically and financially. 12. 14. Can we go to the zoo? Im sorry that my brutal honesty inconvenienced your ego. If you suddenly die, Id immediately travel around the world to search for the seven dragon balls. I was hoping that it was you. They host a movie night every . One says to the other: Do these genes make me look fat?. Instead of doing that, we could just give the other person the benefit of the doubt and kindly offer them a brief summary of the story behind the point were trying to make. I look ugly? Ill marry your brother just to be in your family. Youre not simply a drama queen. Youre the reason I prefer animals to people. "Oh, are you triggered?" 31. What distinguishes OCD from ordinary attention to detail are the three words that make up the acronym: obsessive, compulsive, and disorder. I must have been imagining things. I thought you were the monster under my bed. Have a nice day. Hold still. Its the sound of me not caring. Of all the goofballs in the world, you are my favorite. You have miles to go before you reach mediocre. Id have hired an exterminator if I knew you were gonna bug the shit out of me. you look like a gorilla just came out of town riding on a pony, I think i'll need an extra punch to get through all those layers, 50% of your beauty can be fixed with a garbage bag over your head, Ur the reason why god created the middles finger, I was hoping to challenge you to a battle of wits but i see u r unarmed, Roses r red violets r blue god made me pretty what happened to u, Where are u I can only see plastic in front of me. But theres nothing quite like LOLing when your friend sends you a random midday text with something hilarious. Noah wrote Allie 365 letters, so I think you can text me back. But then you wonder what you might be saying without intending to harm anyone that others find offensive or controversial. Valorant has taken the gaming community by storm. Large and in charge isnt your excuse to be a fat asshole. Toxic (song): "Toxic" is a song recorded by American singer Britney Spears, for her fourth studio album In the Zone (2003). Go back to Party City, where you belong! Phi Phi OHara. Oh, Im sorry. "You're ugly when you're angry." 29. I would like some tips on how to clear my mind from someone with nothing meaningful to contribute. Hey, I lost my phone, can you call it for me? 28. Its scary to think people like you are allowed to vote. No, no. But its not a favor to remind someone of how they continue to disappoint your expectations of them, however reasonable you think those are. Oh, so you fainted from the excitement of getting a text from me? Ive never been a great cook, but I still know how to. Youve got something on your face. This post has been created by Roman Marshanski, the founder of this site. 21. Essentially, youre telling the other person you dont find their company or conversation stimulating. Somewhere out there is a tree tirelessly producing oxygen for you. I'm going to get my toe nail pierced this weekend. Decidedly more personal than You know what I hate? this immediately puts the other person on the defensive. LETS BURY IT! I will ignore you so hard you will start doubting your existence. He also chases his tail for entertainment. Love must truly be blind because it cant see me at all. Send someone a text of a lottery ticket and tell them you just won $1,000,000. Their apparent need for drama is their way of crying out for attention to something that has been ignored for too long. CRY YOURSELF A RIVER, BUILD A BRIDGE AND GET OVER IT!!! You can also use them with success anywhere else. This funny discord TTS message has got you covered to have a good laugh. I recently started investing heavily in penny stocks. "When you choose your words accurately and phrase them in a way that doesn't sound like finger-pointing, most reasonable humans will listen and work to meet your needs," Whetstone said. As an outsider, what do you think of the human race? Large and in charge isn't your excuse to be a fat asshole. "You wouldn't worry so much about what others think of you if you realized how seldom they do.". This expression is used most often by males who think that a womans appearance is worth more to her than respect for her intelligence and autonomy. Too bad your parents took it literally. . But Ill keep trying. thesaurus. A pain in the ass? Dont you get tired of putting makeup on your two faces every morning? But instead of making us feel better, those offensive words and expressions, whenever they come to mind, only serve to keep us angry or on the defensive, prolonging the pain and keeping us stuck in the past. Once youve been on the receiving end, you have a better understanding of how powerful words can be both to build people up and to tear them down.. And may your thoughtfulness and compassion influence everything you do today. When you feel a little doubtful about how a funny comment will be taken, be sure to use facial expressions (or emojis over text) to hint that you are joking. Log in. I should never have lowered my standards for you. January graduated with an English and Literature degree from Columbia University. Usually my rule is 3 strikes and youre out, but you were out of my mind as soon as you started spewing your bullshit. If thats not love, I dont know what is. I think Im gonna use my PTO Prepare The Others because Im not coming into work. XOXO. Friends buy you lunch. Not at all gross, today. I want you on the other side of it. Bad idea in your case. Write a pop song about my love for Marmite. I dont have the patience or the crayons to explain this to you. Im on a seafood diet. I used to think I was indecisive, but now Im not really sure. I know that everyone is allowed to act stupid once in awhile, but youre really abusing that privilege. Oops, my bad. Youre like asthma. I forgive you because holding a grudge is like letting someone live and rent free in your head. You just won $1 million. Your birth certificate is an apology letter from the condom factory. (and then wait a few hours to reply with something totally random). An apple a day keeps the doctor away if you throw it hard enough! Love you! Not everyone is a natural-born comedian, but that doesnt mean you cant add a splash of humor and fun to your conversations. I found a spot for you. It doesnt work. It will remind your enemies not to mess with you. Oh youre talking to me, I thought you only talked behind my back. Any Emoji. When a joke doesnt go over well, dont be afraid to laugh it off and poke a little fun at yourself. If you were a library book, Id check you out. then when the doctor told her it was hers, she cried. 26. So please do vote or expand thisroast list with your own mean creation. Our kid must have gotten his brain from you! Im busy right now, can I ignore you another time? When karma comes back to punch you in the face, I want to be there in case it needs help. "You're not funny. I present to you: absolutely fucking nothing. Hey, you have something on your chin. If laughter was the best medicine your face would cure the world, my phone battery lasts longer than ur relationships, If I wanted to commit suicide, I would just jump from your ego to your IQ. I dont have any trash to take out today, but I volunteer you as tribute. Good. You win! Real friends pick us up when were down. A bit because of you, but mainly because of me. His passion for writing brought him to the Savannah College of Art and Design, where he studied writing. Try this: When you shake someones hand, jokingly say, Im so glad you had the privilege of meeting me. You look like something I would draw with my left hand.

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