moving in with mom after dad died

Yes thats right 9hours could be more. Thanks dad lol omg. I dont trust this girlfriendshe doesnt have a very good job and has a hard time making it financiallyso worried that he is being taken and in the process stomping all over my moms memory. My brother was only 13, but my Dad spent most weekends at his girlfriends house. Well it seemed to be a lot easier to deal with when it involved my sister in law and her new boyfriend than my dad and his new girlfriend. I also go everynight after work and cook dinner. He was the best father and husband I could ask for. I dont want my dad to be sad or lonely, but his wife of 54 years, the love of his youth is gone. You say you cannot know how you will feel in the future and so you cannot predict how you will feel so when people say things like I will never accept it they should not forecast their future emotions. Its a mess.. on the out side . Alcoholism has actually been a big issue in my family, and I'm worried about it as well. I began to call her around 4pm every day and wed share about our days in lockdown. Thanksgiving is such a strong family time and you are still reeling from your loss. I am not that kind of person. It is never too late to join a grieving group. Please do not throw daggers, but I was the girlfriend of a widower whose wife died 3 years ago of cancer. Thanks again for sharing. i have this new family, why was it bad I wanted my own space with my little family? He can have a lady friend. In front of me he found it necessary to call her angel, and feels he should talk mushie to her when I am around. It will never be the same. They transferred her to a rehabilitation center to have her go through physical therapy so she could work better with her legs. We toured , we ate , we relaxed we connected again and again. Don't help anymore than you feel you must. Everyone is going on with their lives, this hasnt stopped.. online dates have been had by middle daughter, engagement for youngest and motherhood for the oldest all 3 have lives they are still living, and my boyfriend is so happy and proud for all of them, he loves them all. I cant tell my dad how I feel as I dont want to upset him. Update: My dad officially proposed and she accepted. Now she is practically living at my parents house. Because I find myself in the same situation. Some of you expressed concern about the relationships being too soon, and I agree with some of you, but especially men that depended completely n their wives, have been married for a long time dont want to be alone. It's a standalone mini song. . I dont know what to do. She wrote: I will always remember when we went to go see Zero Dark Thirty with him. Whitney came to the movie expecting a thrilling performance by Jessica Chastain, but instead got my counter-terrorism expert father giving an in-depth and slightly terrifying film analysis. But, it has been tough. I said it would probably be me unless his girlfriend would like to do it. Try to work it out: In the end, even paying a renter or nonpaying guest to go away might be faster and cheaper than trying to evict him. I lost my husband last year. If you can, get her active in life. She is a nasty unkind person with no friends except my father and family relationships where she keeps falling out with people. I think that the parent should be concerned with how their children (even if theyre adults) feel about them dating again. Time passed, and my sister and I asked when the party would be so we could plan accordingly. Chances are the desire to see the grandchildren is coming from your father. Now I struggle with young boys who miss their mother, but desperately crave a mothers embrace. I even find myself wishing bad things happen to her. Hopefully shes not mean and takes my Dads money and excludes us. I think part of it, for me, is that I feel like if I accept my dad having a new woman in his life, I am being disloyal to my mom. She was an active, vibrant 72 year old woman who had lots of plans for the future. As I said, I had not had time to even grieve my Mother and I felt like some people were trying to push me into being this womans daughter! I lost my Mom to cancer at the end of 2010. Adapted from a recent online discussion . I need some advice. He was doing well and had been out of the hospital for a week when my mom found in the morning that he had passed in his sleep. They only spend week-ends together and during the week they are at their respective homes but she is now entitled to his pension. My sisters and I say that she is acting this way because she is manipulative and plotting. As far as your mother is concerned, I'll just tell you some of the things I told my step-father. It is so very hurtful. How common. From reading the other posts, it appears the only answer it to wait for an unspecified length of time or wait and hope that the children will approve. She reciprocated the invitation through my Dad a week or so later to spend an evening out .but I declined this time. I didnt want to do any of the above. However, this family that is thrown away with such callousness may be expected to jump to and pick up the slack when the new friend decides its not so much fun anymore. We would never do anything to upset the awesome family lives that we worked so hard to create. True I have never lost a husband so I cant judge. Neither of Ellens sons have children and it doesnt appear that they ever will. I have said from the beginning, my father us a grown man and he can do whatever he wants, but it doesnt mean I have to like it. My mom passed away in February & the woman that came knocking at my front door was my moms first cousin. I didnt mean for this post to get so long theres a lot Im not even saying.. does anyone have any advice on how to get through to the most stubborn man in the world and help him see that the choices hes made have made things more difficult, and now he is only making it worse? She was mad at me because I wouldnt get him out of the meeting to talk with her. TWO days after she passed away, he was bragging about how we wanted to get out on the town and get laid. When all of this was happening, I went numb. It didnt end there. Everyone has pain & heartaches in their lives Im sure they have it too. They analyze all of their failed relationships, reminisce, and learn about each other more deeply. It took a long time for me to be able to do this, and I am not perfect at this. But for right now I am ok with at least being able to see my father periodically and trying. those are huge hurdles when you are proud of your parents relationship, your family and have not lost a partner. I had a physical reaction, my pulse quickened, I was sweating, my heart broken it was intense. It seems that tonight, my world was shattered all over again after his phone call. My phone bill is about $400 a month. She be-friended me & acted like we were the best of friends. I lost my dad who had a great relationship with me for 50+ years.. My kids had a great grandpa for 15+ years. I have tried to explain to him how I feel and I think he just gets upset and really doesnt understand. My father has no friends so thats why hes so desperate to be with her. In March, a recent widow called my dad and made contact. I couldn't understand for a very long time what feeling this pain that never really goes away has done for me, but I eventually realized it has taught be to be strong, humble and bold. Posted November 9, 2013. keeping up with the royals Jan. 30, 2023. Shame on you. I just hope that you could open your mind to someone new in your life that it is not trying to replace your mother or father. I think the part that hurts the most is after I told him how I felt, he continued on to tell me that this woman will be staying, most likely past Thanksgiving. Then today, I get a textwe are now man and wife. However, I think it is fair to say that even if she is comfortable financially,which seems unlikely judging by her age, that an opportunity to move to the U.S or even go for an all expenses paid vacation would be seized with open hands. left and never turned back, he took her to Florida for a month when he got back never contacted me and when he sees me he ignores me and snuggles her or holds her hand , like he is rubbing my face in it, siblings say get over it and let him be happy, I just cant, I am so hurt and he has also made comments to me THAT i FEEL WERE IN APPROPRIATE she has the womans touch, and you dont know how i lived very hurtful things anyone else having issues like this, I totally understand both of you. This is my real dad. Oh and one more thing, on top of all this he continues to traumatized me by giving my moms and grandmas car to this lady to drive and she even uses my moms dresser and this just is so wrong I want to die sometimes to make it stop. Im 29 ok, my dad and mom were living with my moms mom in her house of 50years. Awesome. Shortly after the funeral, the song came on the radio on my way to work, and I absolutely lost it. #fyp #viral #chiaraactress I hope that when the end comes I can finally move on. So, no, I cannot open a line of communication with her right now, maybe not ever. On this point I beg to differ. Then he met the one we didnt, not because we didnt try because we did. While I did take some of my moms belongings out of the house when my she passed with my Dads permission there are still things in the house that belonged to her and my grandmother. She was only 59 years old. I will never forget my dad showing me how match.com worked. Loves his convertible and said to my sister that she wanted to take it to go see her daughter Ahh, can you imagine. it is the next normal step of a solid relationship. Dating for over 50 years, my dad moving too difficult to clean out, death of a two-year battle with my mother passed, is tomorrow. It has started the grieving process all over again not only with still dealing with the loss of my mother and knowing she wont meet her granddaughter until shes greeted at the pearly gates, but Im now dealing with this so called loss of my fatherof less time etc. I attempted to counsel my dad on the timing and the possible reasons he wanted to pursue this intimate relationship and the reasons he should wait. I really hate that as my Mom worked hard to help my Dad build that home. The doctors didnt know what was wrong and ran more tests. He was not the only person to conclude thus. Trying to "solve" her problems for her didn't work. For you need to keep in honor her passing. Then I checked his texts on my moms phone and all evidence points to them being intimately involved. My dad isnt rich but has enough for his needs and has slipped money to me in the past to be kind to me. I was polite to her and to my dad. I, as a father of young children FOR WHOM I AM RESPONSIBLE, have to be sensitive to the fact that it may be longer for them than for me. I realize that you cant always make everyone happy and eventually you have to be in charge of your own happiness, but it is important to talk with those close to you and try to understand what they are feeling and also the reverse, have the children try and understand what the spouse is feeling. Perhaps your father would do well to read some of these letters. I decided that I would invite them to go with usI really struggled with this.when I called Dad, he said he needed to talk to her first & he did she declined because she had other plans. So now my dad takes it out on me. Coping with vascular dementia. I wasnt actively looking for anyone but the opportunity presented itself thru my church. .it wasnt three days after my dad called it quits with this woman, that she was calling him. Growing up, I lived with both my parents and I would say we were a very close family. Mom is likely scared to apply for work after all those years. I think he can now begin to start processing his grief over my moms death (we have just now passed the three month mark since her funeral.) I want to also invite you to take some time for yourself. My father has now moved in with his girlfriend and lives in her house. If we do not agree with the decision he has made then he is just going to cut us out completely. It made the situation so much worse. I know inevitably there will be further learnings, low points, and realizations. Nor do I fault him for moving on and pursuing his own happiness. Within weeks, my father took up with a mutual friend of theirs. When Dad first died, I told everyone that I didn't want to talk about it. Yes, he is lonely and yes, you are lonely and yes, you both deserve not to be lonely. She didnt want me to do groceries for her anymore. People that immediately jump into a relationship and force it on their families are wrong in doing so. I feel so sorry for you. It looked as though he was sleeping, but closer inspection showed white foam dripping from his blue lips. If he could build his separate relationship with us, the hostility towards his wife would fade and we would be much less resentful. All I can say is that there are many reasons why we want to date and go on with our life. Have you read the posts? This has got to be very tough for you. My family and I are working through grieving my mother who died in spring of 2015 after an 18 month battle with an aggressive form of cancer. I lost my mother unexpectedly over six years ago, when I was 17. Hes doing it now. I cant believe that he is moving on this quick. I understand him wanting to sell the house because mom died in itbut to move so far away! I am married and living about an hour from my parents house. I believe that women look to the male figures in their lives as being strong and courageous. I told him hes wrong for that. I do know that I took my Dads death much harder than my mother did. We get together once a week for dinner but even that lately seems like he is only doing that cause he has to not cause he wants to have dinner with me. Things that I feel need to stay in the family. Another website I just left everyone was telling me to grow up, stop being selfish and thats her personnel affair. . He passed away, 'while. I simply have no interest whatsoever in this woman. If you have any care inquiries, please contact us anytime by completing the form below. Also, I'm not sure how exactly I'm supposed to be feeling, and I'm wondering if maybe I'm not grieving enough because I am trying to be self-sufficient and go on with my life and not be extremely depressed over it all the time. She began to bring him desserts, and he eventually asked her to dinner. For (mostly) financial reasons, my brother and I are still living with my father while we attend college. For a daughter, it is so traumatic to lose your mom and a daughter needs her dad more than ever to help with the healing & grieving process. Ive tried ignoring it and being the bigger person always doing her dishes, then she starts moving in more on my house putting her mark everywhere and being home all day in my grandma house. It is a conscious choice. I barely spoke to him for a month (and we live together!) No good way to treat it. The holidays were brutal, because of their separation. I was immediately put off but whatever its his life, right? I was very calm until he left, then i cried for hours! If my mother keeps giving my late moms clothes for her to wear why doesnt she just say hey I wont wear that I dont want your kids thinking of something else and I might dispect them. I know that my dad harbors no ill will towards me for that. My husband & his sisters were so close with her and their father. I just dont know what to do because every since this women starting calling my father has been drinking, and then I have to deal with him being drunk on top of everything else. No one has ever asked him to stop seeing this woman. I LOST MY MUM 2 YEARS AGO,I HAVE EIGHT BROTHERS ,I AM THE ONLY DAUGHTER,I WAS VERY CLOSE AS WE HAD MOVED 40YEARS AGO FROM HER FAMILY,SO NEVER WAS CLOSE TO ANY OTHER WOMEN. I told him it was hard to be around so me and my daughter are going to be out and gone all day. Eventually I realized that the best way I could support and care for her during the pandemic was to enjoy a daily telephone call. The women across the street lets call her Marsha, Marsha, Marsha, was very nice at first, but then after befriending a person in the neighborhood started to be mean to me, and due nasty things, such as putting silicone in my outside plugs etc. Ahh, this hurts It feels moms memory is being tarnished and I want to make things right. I should have known. Years followed when they spent part of the week at her house and part at his. My sister and I took my father to hospital yesterday for eye check ups and tests and we were there about 7 hours not including travelling. Those are my personal beliefs and I feel though she is gone she is still with me. My Dad will occasionally still talk about my Mom and I do too in front of her and she will sit there with her lips poked out pouting. WHEN my father died just over three years ago both my mother and I went through a rough time, as we missed him badly. It is so unspeakably insensitive to tell people that the pain and grief they are dealing with could be worse. Honestly, Im at a loss. It has crossed my mind that hes in it for his estate or money. I guess I just wanted to say the relationship has blighted our lives and especially mine. A few times between lockdowns, I would visit with her and just sit on the couch beside her watching along with her. When my mom died, my biggest sadness was not for myself, but for my dad. My struggle has always been how to care for someone who is so self-sufficient. I have to place myself in the the shoes of a girlfriend and ask myself, would I lack class, respect or decency by tearing a family apart by my presence in the picture? Im so glad to see that I am not the only daughter dealing with not only the loss of her mom, but the loss of her father (to another woman) as well. The complete opposite. But I had to handle it all the planning everything, the video. 97,343 The three other suspicious deaths linked to killer Alex Murdaugh and his family Her kids are great (were all in our 30s). This is why I feel guilty- because I want him to feel better. tread lightly and keep your business to yourself and you may find the adult children will come around. It got to the point that every time my sister would call it was all about Marsha. She does housework and I do shopping etc. I was mortified. Even my 18 year old daughter says about her granddad, Hea acting like a teenage who just broke up with his girlfriend and is in a rebound relationship. Only, his girlfriend was his wife for 54+ years. You deserve better and dont continue to make yourself miserable because of the poor choices your father has made and his bad attitude. I lived with them. He and his lady friend caught me completely off guard within weeks of my mothers death when they attempted to solicit my blessings on an intimate relationship they stated they wanted to pursue. I didnt know any of this until he left. I basically have had to wash my hands of the situation. Well, he decided that If he could not bring the friend then he would not attend the dinner so he was not at the family dinner. I cannot advise you to cut the ties. Its hard because I really do want my Dad to be happy, but I feel like hes pushing everyone away so that he can live in a bubble with her. They were going out a lot. Despite the fact that she tried to be affectionate at first, she has never called me to ask how I am doing or how my children are doing. I am doing my best to not relive those painful moments when I was a bratto acknowledge that I was simply being a teenager. I lost my mother and need my father. I have met her once and she is a nice lady, but shes not my mom. the new woman has done away with every thing that was my daughters . I constantly encourage him to keep a relationship with them, I dont want him to separate from them. He lives alone just waiting for her to phone or say she will visit him. Furthermore, she is talking about how she's going to be alone forever, and none of her friends are widowed, and she isn't sure how she is going to make it without my dad. These fees can be surprisingly high. Tonight, us kids and spouses had a dinner to honor the passing of my mother. It is important to not let these times destroy you or define you, but rather, to help you to grow. Daddy has made her co-dependent on him for everything! My wife and our family never got to know here, as our children feel that he betrayed their grandmother in such a short time. This disease took her away from me as a wife. Thats when I started really being suspicious of her. This dad has did it all for themsorry his 45 year old marriage is overSHE DIED 3 YEARS AGO. Add to that all kinds of weird girlfriend moments-her wearing my clothes without asking, going through my personal things, falling asleep standing up, falling asleep at the dinner table, falling asleep at other peoples houses at parties, etc. The consequences of your actions do not affect just you. Ellen also at first was sending me Mothers Day cards and she would send my husband and I an anniversary card. I am so sorry for your losses and the situation you have came upon. Last year I suggested that he started dating. This was a 6.5 year period yikes. But, as he said, he had to get on with his life and he didnt want to be alone. She called two nights before my moms funeral wanting to talk to my dad, and we were having a family meeting with the pastor to plan my moms service. For. He makes zero effort to chat when I visit and tells me they both talk to each other all the time. So it could give you all a place to work out your many feelings. I dont understand her and I never will. I havent even gotten to the worst part yetshe is currently caring for her terminally ill husband! It is all I can do to keep from having a blow-up with this woman. He was 91 and still healthy. How common. Laugh March mom and Dad declared a separation ( Long story short, my 34-year-old big brother a wedge between them). Kind regards Gaynor, I am in the same situation, I am the oldest of 5 children, the other 4 have diffrent views but basically they dont want to piss daddy off because they might get the treatment I am getting. I feel that I am considered an outcast within the family because I cant accept it. If we complain and say it would really help our lives if she could commit to coming and not change her plans all the time he says This is how we work things.. P.S Sorry for the typo in last post should read threw herself at him, Hi,I was just re-reading these posts and I wanted to address some of the points made by Todd Paxman in posting 54.

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