my boyfriend says he feels overwhelmed

. I read similar advice before (and double-checking because I dont want to mess it up!). I hadnt felt this way in a really long time. I miss the old him, but the more I try to understand and support him, the more he pushes me away. I know he needs space but every now and then my emotions get the better of me and I start thinking hes sick of me. Our conversations are not very often. etc and I now hate myself for it because I dont think Im a needy person but I know I was coming across as needy but I just wanted reassurance because I had a dramatic breakup and partially left my last boyfriend for him and was worried that he was already bored of me. Well for Agirl as i am a guy i can tell you he is holding himself from you, try to give him some hints or just say wat you want, many guys like when girls are free to talk, they feel that girl is close to him, try to make him feel that he is special and then things might start working. She wants him to visit her and he said he would. - He was nice, caring and he even cooked for me. that same night her dad took her to the emergency room. Ive ranted and pleaded and cried. I dont want to feel like I am smothering him. 3 weeks ago I told him I understand and I wont pressure him cause he needs to do what he needs to do but just dont be stranger and say hello.. well he hasnt and its driving me crazy. Just be yourself and relax and you will be just fine. Well, I think thats kind of crap, Eric. Sending you all the good vibes today. If he cant control himself and gives in to her that will be the end of us. Sometimes, the best words of encouragement for a stressed boyfriend, partner, or girlfriend, are the simplest ones. So Im not sure what to do: let it lie or try to apologise for putting unneccessary pressure on him? Any addl tips on dealing w/a guy in mourning? Im sorry youre going though this. Do I let him be & when he gets back to me try to understand what happened to him? And btw should i meet my bfs ex? We sat and talked until 2am in the bar and laughed and then when we went to leave, he walked me to my car and kissed me. That happened once. I thought if I loved him long enough and hard enough, that my dream would blossom into full living color. Relationships are all about finding solutions that work for both of you. He just promised me a few weeks before this happened he wouldnt do this anymore. His is staying with his mum and she is telling him to take a step back and on monday he said we are still together but he is staying with his mum and needs to find his independence but not talking to me and i am lost and i trying to give space and i am afraid i am losing my best friend my partner pls help. What does this mean and does he mean what he says? and on phone he treats her normal. I am very worried for him. they talked and soon they attented the same college. My bf and I have been in a relationship for a year now. What I was doing, clearly was not working, so I needed to STOP and re-think. Everything was great. In the end I realised that although I was concerned, I was doing this more for my benefit than his; I wanted to feel like I could help him, and I was trying to approach it in a way that would help me this was only pushing him away. I feel something is still there but I dont know. He talked to me a great deal about my dad and really helped a lot, I didnt ask my boyfriend about the text because as we talked I forgot anything was wrong, and then I said alright Im going to bed, love you. she explaind what happend and he wanted her to call him asoon as her surgury was done. I understand why you might feel like crap you regret the actions you took. I dont make him guess. Im willing to appreciate and admire, but frankly his attitude is really shitty and if I bow down to that, well that would be going against MY pride Why is it that men are allowed to be prideful but women must be nurturing and submissive even when they guy is acting like a sucky baby ? In other words, comparing your relationship to others (including one of your previous ones) is extremely toxic, and if your partner does this, it may because they're hoping to get back with an ex, or they're trying to sabotage the relationship in one way or another. Youre not alone Les. My boyfriend has become withdrawn lately. When he stares and I catch him a few times, he will either hold out the stare and I just look away or he will look away very quick. There are other cases where a relationship just wont work for someone and its better to move on to a better fit (and it sounds like this might be your case). He has no outside friends or interests. Why do some men punish only their women and not everyone else? We went on 7 dates over 8 weeks, and he was always romantic and generous on these dates ie. My boyfriend of 4 years shuts down everything hes stressed. we talk about school etc. But he knows me, how I like romance I have got rid of all my friends for him. For the rest of your life, youll be able to handle this type of thing better and get better results in your relationship-life. Leave it to him to be the one to get in touch with you. A friendly distance is OK especially when you are feeling overwhelmed. He had been really stressed because hes currently unemployed, hes having family issues, etc. My bf is going through a stressful time right now due to some unexpected developments in his life. But we werent dating. For example, her parents hate her being around my boyfriend because they find him as a bad influence and one night they were at a play together (which he also did not tell me that he was going to be with her there) and apparently her parents barged in, took her phone and took her away after seeing her with my boyfriend. If this happens, it's best to ask them what they mean by that, beyond what their friends have said. Ive been seeing this guy for about 2 yrs. Me, I DO take it personally because I think I deserve better treatment than that. I love writing articles to help people free themselves from suffering and have clarity in their love life. Wow this made me feel 10x worse. Some people find it helpful to take a minute to regroup and calm down, so they don't explode at the other person without thinking through what they want to say. If I were with someone who responded this way to stress and did not find a way to open up to me, Id be gone. Loss, financial issues, illness, are all very stressful issues and sex honestly would be the last thing on my mind. He had a very stressfull week and was pulling away so i panicked and got needy, I called him and texted and worried. Of something in their life is rocky, they go I to their shell and get very quiet. I didnt give this conversation much thought, because I still was under the assumption that he wanted to move in together. I love him so much. This question fits my situation to the tell. Ask him if there is anything you can do to help him relieve his stress; do not assume you can figure it out alone. Since I came back, he did try to get back that spark we both had but i shunned it due to fear of rejection because I began to start falling for him.We havent spoken at all but he stares at me constantly, my friends have verified this. How This New Yorker Went On 28 Dates In 28 Days, It's Hot When People Call You By Your Last Name, The 'Sex And The City' Cab Light Theory, Revisited, Karly & Deb Found A Simple Way Of Making Long Distance Work, Get Even More From Bustle Sign Up For The Newsletter. Things were going so well, and we've been officially together for 3 months now. Its not that Im not mature. 1. He still calls me daily. Then it seems he quickly fell into comfort zone. What are the mans responsibilities? Any advice will be much appreciated. At the same time though it hurts because he takes all his time to destress and relax with his mates. He told me that he understood if that was unacceptable to me, but that he hoped that I would wait for him and give him a little more time. jenny said no bc she didnt want to seem desprate. He is depressed everyday. Some days I am so busy myself that I dont really have time to think about him, but when I do, I become quite depressed. Maybe you feel that you are loved under certain conditions only, or you keep up a facade for your partner. He said, he loves and wants to be with me and that he will show me! but i feel like my love and attention is being returned to sender with no or not much acknowledgement. And our phone calls were very superficial because we arent integrating each other into our lives due to the distance (again, my perspective). After You have the baby and you are stressed, breast feeding, etc. I told him that I respected, cared for him and wished him happiness. I dont know what else to do, but to give him space, workout, and try to stay busy. I have to deal with mine, she has to deal with hers and we understand that we cant both be shiny objects all the time. Robbie. On Wednesday he felt distant and we talked about him being overwhelmed at work. It requires a lot of love, patience and understanding. Two weeks ago it got better, he started doing all the things he used to do. He just left for Kauai because he is a General Contractor and building a home there, will be gone for about month and a half. Never done it before, I will not start now. Taking a break from this relationship was his idea, so it's up to him to get back in touch with you if he wants to talk. He seemed like the type of guy to tell me if he decided he didnt want to see me anymore, this ignoring thing seems out of character for him. Hes been pulling away for a couple weeks and has recently started going a day or two without texting me. All and all it feels like a great relationship. FYI, Im an excellent sounding board for venting. He feels distant because he is overwhelmed Another reason why he starts being cold is that he is feeling smothered. But It seems like he is relying on me to make contact but our conversations dont even last long. I bring her up a lot and he had been patient in dealing with me. Next, make sure that you give him space the right way. Things were going great until his personal life became really stressful. On that same token, if he wants to talk about his stresses or struggles, just listen. He says that he feels like he will have to grieve the child all over again. Then in the beginning of January he messaged me on a dating website, not realizing he already knew me. That can lead to drain and resentment. I have been mindful to use this approach with my boyfriend recently while he has been facing redundancy and have found him to be very open with me and that this has deepened our bond. Of course I thought I did something wrong but after talking about it, he admitted his whole life just feels out of control so he cant put any more effort into us until he gets life together again. I want to be by his side but he pushes me away. Ive been stupid and I hate myself right now. Lisa Concepcion, founder of LoveQuest Coaching, Dr. Jess O'Reilly, Astroglide's resident sexologist. Im a little concerned. she couldnt, jenny said that he couldnt txt her al all. 2. Much better to put your thoughts on the table clearly and succinctly IF thats your nature and IF you have the ability to speak so clearly. Let me know when youre taking a break. My boyfriend and I met online back in August. Hey anon..i totally agree with u actually it seems like u r in my head or something cuz u literally took my words .i m toi feeling the same i wanna stick around cuz i knw hes going through a tough time but at the same time i feel like i shud ask him to stop doing this or take some harsh steps reading ur comment made me feel soo good cuz now i knw m not alone so yeah wht shud i do how did u handle it, This guy and I work in the same office , hmmm few months back we decided to get into the whole friends with benefits kind of ., prior to that we used to text occasionally Just remember to be a source of relief for him without directly trying to help him with the problem. Recently this week I asked him if he was free since we had movie plans he responded saying got home early was throwing up ,I shall talk to you tomo I responded saying ahh again ? We then had a small fall out but we cleared it up since it was a misunderstanding , he then headed for a trip and during that time we didnt text it talk much since he was in another country but when he got back things resumed . Tell him this behavior is extremely hurtful. It will break my heart to lose him to his ex. I have been with my boyfriend for 3 years and he goes through depressive episodes feeling worthless, hopeless, the world is awe full, suicidal thoughts, withdrawal, the works. Same with constant criticisms. Think of this line as another way of saying "I need space." I sent one text on friday morning. However, before throwing in the towel, you and your partner may find it helpful to try couples therapy, where you two can learn more about each others' needs, personalities, and conflict styles. A guy might do it, but hell typically feel like a loser or weakling for asking for support or even talking about his feelings. Its unfair for him to totally block you. I said I was sorry and he said its ok. Last year he moved to another school and eversince he hasnt been the same. (April 2016) Thankfully he wasnt asked to put up money for this one. He apologizedI told him I would leave him over that. Its because I know its nothing more to him than sex and hell move on to the next woman. He may not feel good about himself. Preoccupying worries and thoughts about the other person's whereabouts, emotional state, and overall well-being can be exhausting and unhealthy for both partners, Dr. Dorfman says. He needs to find healthy coping mechanisms for his stress and/or anxiety. Im determined to change my thinking. very few things on internet make such impression on my mind. he stomach grew largly. They are close friends and i respect that. jenny decided not to fight and said ok. during this time jenny had a health problem. Its a lot overwhelming him. So just remember that his withdrawing is a resultof him not wanting to appear weak or out of control and just allow him space for that. He said Im not feeling well, sorry I have been out of commission and my phone was turned off temp, Im depressed and struggling with some things. Do you think it might help to alleviate some of my fears if i meet her? Ever since the fight about his best friend he has not done nearly half the things he use to do such as send me loving goodnight and Goodmorning messages, nor does he seems as affectionate as he once was when we would meet up in personwhat did I do? Ill try keep it short, My boyfriend was in a relationship with a girl about three years ago. There was an unspoken sort of implication I think we were both aware of that the books would be for our hypothetical children. Thank you. Another trap is the woman sees the guy struggling and wants to help. Throughout the day, there is no communication. His big commitment is his child and senario at hand right now. And he texted me yesterday and told me to Are you constantly getting texts asking where you are? She assumes that she did something wrong and gets into a cycle of paranoia she feels worried the guy is losing interest in her, she tries to get validation that he cares, hes not in the head space to give her the type of response she wants, she gets more paranoid, fishes for more proof he cares, and on and on until the relationship takes on a life of chasing, worrying and reassurance. What if he tells me hes just been busy at work? "Needing to 'clear the head' is a desire to connect with themselves for deeper answers," Concepcion says. A man really must consider their partners needs before retreating into their little mental man cave. Three weeks ago, he crossed my mind. My guy asked to stay friends and reached out recently to invite me to a bbq at his house, and Im hoping to reconcile. I am kind of in the same situation or maybe worse. 2023 BDG Media, Inc. All rights reserved. I love him and if time or others is what he needs and makes him happier, I should let him have it. Finally, on that same note: Dont bring up his stresses or struggles hell bring them up himself if he wants to talk about them. When this happens and its happened 2 times already in 3 years I question everything. If your partner is feeling a little like theyve had it, they might start losing their patience more easily than usual all of a sudden theyre angry at you for getting the wrong salad dressing, but maybe its something a little deeper than that. He has major trust issues Has yet to reply or text me. and she knew she wanst pergnant bc she and her bf are absitence. Guys dont like to be around people when they dont think theyre at the top of their game. The I freaked out a bit because I felt like I was being light hearted about the whole idea of moving in, and felt like he was being serious, so I said, Oh your bringing this up? (again light hearted) and he said, Dont act as if you didnt bring it up first (frustrated). Women either try to be helpful (which makes the man feel emasculated) or they take it personally and start becoming really insecure/needy (which makes the man feel burdened even more). If you see signs of your partner feeling emotionally drained, consider what you might be doing to make them feel that way.. I went in panic mode yesterday and texted him that I was becoming worried about him and I needed reassurance from him, just an I love you would make me feel safe. I met a guy a back in August who works for the same Eric, Thank you so much for this article. I then went on holiday for 2weeks, when I came back I went into hospital for 1 week, then after that he was away for 2 weeks, so we went ages without talking. I feel like this is a ridiculous question but Im going to put it out there anyway; each person is different in how they handle their stress but can it cause a guy who was affectionate to not be affectionate? Keeping myself beautiful and successful is important either way. Im concerned for his mother & father, how are they.. How hard is it to send a puny text just to give me a heads up. I didnt offer help, just that I understood and that I was here for him no matter what, and when hes ready to talk; I am here. I have a few traumatic instances that happened to . I feel she is still in love with my bf. They dont have the decency to tell you that its over and this is the result. The fact is: 99.9% of the men you date are not . He barely wants to have sex anymore ad when we do it, he almost doesnt climax anymore. . I dont understand how someone can treat the person they love in such a horrible way. Hey, remember when you got through [insert life obstacle]? I need to ask about men backing off and pulling away. So, why should you trouble yourself thinking about the what ifs when there is nothing happening? I have been on two dates with a guy, following this he was sending me sweet texts telling me how happy he is signing them xo and telling me he missed me. He finally did call me up and told me his father has cancer which is why his parents were down, they came to tell him. Weve hanged out 3 times and we have dated before but we didnt take it real we were kind of young then. This really helped me understand him better. Share with others. On our 7th date, he told me that his parent had collapsed a few days before and was in hospital from an illness that was related to addiction. Especially if times are tough at work, or youre coping with some serious family drama, leaning too heavily on your partner can sometimes happen without even realizing it. So we had a day date and then hung out the next night. And he responds (and pay close attention), Why would I act any differently? Is our love stronger than their friendship? 41 Small Nice Things to Do For An Overwhelmed Partner Take the kids to the park for two hours. As the saying goes, when you know better you do better! Its not that Im not a grownup. I talked with him about my fears and insecurity regarding his ex and everything has been cleared up. . All the while he has been telling me how scary it is how much he likes me, how hes always going to spoil me, how hes so thankful for me to be in his life, how awesome I am, and how happy he is with me. My love and i have been through many misunderstandings, many disagreements, many arguements and many fights but all of it has helped us to become stronger. He keeps saying he wants to find job but he never works it out. This is particularly evident with my current boyfriend who is very much the blokey bloke and finds emotive communication very difficult. Whether you have just begun dating or have plans to get married, best solution is to be be there without offering him solutions. No. Should I just continue to let him be, and wait until he reaches out to me? Now, I know this is the reason why men pull away that you don't want to consider, but if it's the one that's ringing true for your situation, it's better that you know now so you can move on with your life. We are close and talk about personal issues but I guess this is a big deal he did mention family. Because mutual support is what love is really about, you know? Thats what true love is I assume. That in turn made me clingy which made things even worse. But I never did it to the one I deeply love, cause no matter what I have to face in life, no matter how hard and tough I am in life, there is always a tender soft spot for that guy I love, I melt. I realize we can never be a couple. Will it make me seem overprotective? I'm feeling overwhelmed by my boyfriend. I knew a dude who was a real asshole in general. I gave him a clean slate and he has been wonderful but its only been 3 months. I just feel like I cant do anything and I feel bad that I get mad that he isnt talking to me about anything. Yes, i admit, ive taken it personal, because ive been more than kind and caring to him during this time. Then, about 2 weeks into October he called me & said I just wanted to let you know that Im not blowing you off, Im sorry I havent called as much as usual but I just found out my mother has pancreatic cancer & spots on her liver & lungs. Im so full of shame and guilt I never realised it was the child and not the girl that he found so hard to get over. Weve discussed the important factors between us, that we like each other, that well do our best to try and remain on the same page and discuss (like adults) when were not. Hi, Eric p.s. 3 years later shey wold have arguments. . It's no secret that every couple has healthy disagreements on occasion. Feeling emotionally supported is one of the most important elements in a relationship. We had big fight but it was solved. I havent told him how I have been feeling because I dont want to add to how he has been feeling. We both get along with each others families really well, and it seems that we are getting pretty serious because he and I stay over at each others places quite a bit. thanx At the time, I had no idea how he felt about me. Everything in it just blew up on him so he started pulling away from me. :), Ms. V, thank you so much :) I feel so much more relaxed about everything now. I was to go to his home town in Feb to meet his family. I dont know if I pressured him somewhere about meeting his parents. Any help or advice is much appreciated. Cannot wait to see you rock this. I know its hard, but love is never easy. Were looking forward to our 6th month together :D. That sounds great :) Congrats!! I have never had this experience before and have to say it has been quite the education. What do you think? they found out she had a cist that coverd her whole stomach. Him and I have been friends for 31 years and it became more. From the start of our relationship (9 months) I have had insecurities about her. She tried to move on with another guy but she just cant forget her ex (my bf). He has been ill with the flu which could explain things but it seems like he cant be bothered to initiate contact with me. If you notice constant fatigue is a trend with your partner, and you think that it might have something to do with interactions between the two of you, know that self awareness is the first step to trying to change the dynamic. Make him nutritious meals that will boost his system. I guess what you both been through counts the most in your relationship. He is now withdrawn. He hasnt responded to a single message Ive sent, but hes still communicating with others. I thought about the same things as you did, wondering if he is just being nice. Said he was staying the weekend with his dad and his dad was in a nursing home. Its so hard for me to fathom that if he loves me, which he says he still does, but can go MIA, not want to hang out or be sweet/affectionatehard to not take in personally. He wants to be the best boyfriend he can be and spend every waking moment with me or he thinks Ill leave him so thats why he wants to be friends and not date bc of all the stress. A lot of his off time is on the xbox. Eric this is so well said So true. last night, saturday, I sent xoxo and now its sunday afternoon and I still have no idea what is going on. While the women were working on their stressful task, some received no text at all, some got a supportive text from their partner (along the lines of Dont worry! Because once he gets through things, he would be so happy that a wonderful person has been supporting him all along. I am willing to be there for him during this time however as we dont know each other well i dont want to push it. This is not like him. Up until three months ago, his best friend whom is the only girl Im threatened by (because of her inability to keep her space from his comfort zone for me) put a picture of herself on snapchat to his story which I asked him to tell her not to do that, she was also number one best friend which I also asked not to have that happen because it just seems like he is more interested in her than me.

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